about control
I’ve never liked to take criticism from people, but I can certainly give. This, of course, poses quite the possibility to problems. However, strangely enough, the jobs I’ve had have all been in customer service, mainly taking criticism. Perhaps I am trying to unconsciously train myself to be more tolerant.
I’ve never liked to listen to my parents. It’s not, I truly believe, a “rebellious” stage, but something held even deeper in who I am. This most likely comes from my beginnings, of which were and are unsteady to say the least. I never liked to listen or heed advice, no matter how sound, logical, or necessary it may have been or seemed.
Does this mean that I am still just a little kid waiting to grow up? Does this mean that I am not yet mature enough to be called a “young adult?” In some ways, I know that I am very adult and mature, yet in others my growth is a bit stunted. I can hold conversations about most topics quite well, and can formulate these thoughts on a fairly good level. However, I can also break down, get too excited, or get too upset and depressed, about the seemingly smallest of life’s trivialties.
I want desperately to move on, continue my life, and see more through travel and experience. I want to meet new friends while holding on to the old ones. Unfortunately, it is becoming increasingly apparent that a few things are true. Good friends are very few. Friends whom I thought would be there for me, are not. People are busy, and consumed with their lives, which are important only to them and a few others.
When you look at the night-sky, there’s more at which to marvel than the mind can process, thus proving, once again, that we are at the end of the day, very, very small. It’s not to say that each person is not important, because by all means just the opposite is true, though it’s very difficult to feel life, when you have the odd suspicion that you aren’t really living yours.
… more later
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